Things I've Done that Didn't Ruin My Kids

Every family does things a little differently and it's often easy to judge something as wrong because it's different from what you do at home. The funny thing is that there's no magic formula for doing everything right. Sometimes the things you thought would be the most helpful didn't make a difference at all. Sometimes you see children who seem to have the most alarming home lives go on to accomplish greatness. Are they stronger because of the challenges they faced? Who knows. The only guarantee is that there are no guarantees...

1) Not having a birthing plan.
When I was pregnant the first time, everyone told me I needed a birthing plan. Books, friends, doctors. I made an elaborate plan that had alternative choices for a variety of unexpected situations. I reviewed the plan with my doctor. Then Rachel arrived on an unexpected day at an unexpected time. Everything that could get mixed up, got mixed up. My doctor wasn't available and the delivery doctor was a stranger. I was in so much pain I'd forgotten I had a delivery plan. And yet, perfect baby. Perfect little girl.

When I got pregnant the second time I had a different doctor. I said, "Should we talk about a birthing plan?" He said, "Oh, are you having the kind of baby that follows a plan?" He's really smart.

I think it's a great idea to talk about all your birthing options and to talk with your doctor and family about what you envision the delivery being like. Other than that, I think a plan is unnecessary.

2) Co-Sleeping
We bought a crib. The intention was that our baby sleep in the crib. Babies don't really care about plans or intentions. Rachel slept more soundly for a longer period of time if she was near someone - right up next to someone. In her crib she would wake up after 1 1/2 hours and play happily for a long time. We couldn't establish any kind of schedule.

We co-slept with Rachel until she was about 3 and then off and on for another two years. She was happy. She slept well. I got to sleep. It worked out fine. She's still a bit of a night owl, but she sleeps well.

3) Clorox Wipes Washing
One day Kate pooped in the bath tub. I scooped her out of the water fast, but the poop-contaminated water had already touched her body. It was the kind of poop the was all crumbly and was immediately broken down by the movement of the water. There was poop all over the tub and all over the tub toys. In order to re-wash Kate, I was going to have to first wash out the whole tub.

I grabbed a Clorox Wipe (the kind used for cleaning bathroom surfaces) and wiped her off. She was then sanitary and clean. My mother was appalled! Clorox is not meant for baby skin. I agree. But, it was an emergency. It's been several years. She's fine.

4) Watching Too Much TV
My brother and I grew up watching too much TV. We turned out fine. We both have great jobs and great families. We get along well with others. We aren't violent. We have a good sense of reality. We have reasonable attention spans.

My daughters both loved TV during the preschool years. They make pretty decent preschool TV now and there's some educational value to some of it. I encourage the "good" TV, but I let them choose. We often watch together, but I'll admit that TV has helped me keep them busy when I've needed to have my attention elsewhere.

Now that Rachel is an adolescent, she doesn't like TV that much. She frequently chooses a different form of entertainment. She would rather do something more active. But, for all the TV she watched in the younger years, she's doing just fine. She's well adjusted and happy and I share the credit with TV.

5) Sugar
I never had a problem with my girls having sugary snacks as long as they ate a balance of healthy foods. As it happens, they both have always preferred fruits and vegetables to any other food group - including sweets. So, it's been easy to let them make their own choices. They are just as likely to pick brussel spouts as a snack as they are to pick a chocolate bar.