No, I don't want to build a fort

One of the things I had to learn early on with Rachel was that we didn't like many of the same things. Basically, if we wanted to do something together, one of us was going to be doing something she didn't like. I started to carve out the delicate balance between being her supporter and doing whatever she wanted so she could have all her little dreams come true, and my own sanity.

One year Rachel planned a Mother's Day outing to go shopping at a mall. I hate shopping. I'm not crazy about malls. It's my special day. I had to go along so that I wouldn't disappoint her and I went with a smile on my face and had the best time I could. It's the thought that counts with that one and I know she was trying to give me the best. And that was a gift in itself.

One of my mommy-jobs is to teach my children how to think of other's feelings. If the activity, game, task, outing, is going to leave someone feeling sad, overwhelmed, overburdened, overspent, left out, tired, or stressed - then it needs a second look. Sometimes, even if that someone is me. Sometimes I say, "I know you plan on cleaning up after, but I'm sure I'm going to end up having a long day putting the kitchen back together. That means I won't have time to take you to the park. Or that means I won't have time to put away the laundry. Or that means I won't have time to read my book. Is this so important to you that you will give up the park, help with the laundry or that I should give up my time to read?"

Sometimes one of us ends up disappointed, but I think that's ok. Disappointment is part of life. Learning to accept that some things take extra work and some times things don't work out perfectly - these are lessons best learned when the consequences are small.

Kate wants to have a yard sale. She talks about it almost daily. I have explained that we have a dog who doesn't like company at our house. The idea of having people come and go all day will make Jane so sad and so stressed. It could actually hurt her. Kate still tries to find ways around this obstacle, but the fact is, a yard sale is not a good plan for the family.

I want my daughters to have fond memories of fun times at home and with me. And we do. We do a lot of fun and a lot of laughter. And, I want my daughters to take me outside my comfort zone and challenge me to try new things. And they do. The balancing act is challenging, but it's an activity on which we can all agree.

That's Not Weird At All

We all have our own idea about what's strange. What seems normal to one person might seem odd to another. There are norms in each society that most people agree upon, but even those change from one society to the next.

Given that strange is different for each person and each community, is it possible that nothing is really strange at all? That unexpected things are part of a big picture I just didn't notice until that moment. That everything fits together exactly as it should and the weird stuff comes when I try and impose my expectations on the universe?

How about undesirable behavior? Think of the person in your life that annoys you... maybe she's a coworker or he's a cousin... someone you have to interact with who makes you cringe. Now, does everyone in the whole world react the same way to that person? There must be someone who likes him or her. Are they married? Do they have a mother? Someone likes them. Or, at least likes them more than you do. And, maybe someone hates them or likes them less than you do. That person's undesirable behavior is only undesirable because you don't like it. Another person might find it admirable or brave or funny or helpful.

You have very little control over how other's behave, but you have 100% control over how you interpret their behavior. Maybe you can convince yourself that there's a nugget of useful, entertaining, comforting communication in that person. If you can, you could shift your relationship with them from annoying to tolerable or even enjoyable. All you have to do is decide that it's not so strange.

Too Many Choices

I've started to think that a lot of our modern problems stem from having too many choices. There are a lot of great things about having options - for health care, education, employment, television. But, sometimes it's too much. Sometimes having too many choices leaves a person settling without any satisfaction.

Have you ever been to a restaurant where the menu is so big and so complex that you start to feel like you can't make the best choice? I feel like I can't really pick from the whole menu and so I have to pick a category and then choose from within that section. This is not really a big problem. A person should just be glad they get to choose their food. But, it's an example. Too many choices and you just can't possibly process them all.

It also seems that we start to over-think and over-analyze our problems when the solutions are plentiful. If your child is falling behind in school, you could just spend an hour ever night studying together. See if that works. Or, you could spend weeks researching tutors and education centers, learning disabilities and learning styles. You could make lists of pros and cons and study all your options. You could schedule testing and assessments. Meanwhile, valuable time is slipping by and your child is falling further behind.

Sometimes having all those options can really save a child from being lost in an academic mold. Sometimes having all those options can give a family a chance to try something new when the first thing doesn't work. Sometimes it's really helpful. I can see that. But, I can also think of so many times when I talked with someone about their options for a situation for such a long time - that we explored so many options - we never could really understand the big picture.

People say that the world is getting smaller as we have more access to distant places. I think the world is the same size, but we're squeezing too much into it.

On Duty

I think there's a line in the movie "A Few Good Men" where someone explains that we (the general population) are able to sleep well at night because someone else is willing to put their life on the line to protect us. And I agree.

Recently two firefighters in Chicago died fighting a fire. Firefighters wait around until we need to be protected, often from ourselves, and then they come in and put themselves at risk to keep us safe. They do what I'm afraid to do and rush into the danger to protect us.

The comparisons are obvious. Police approach a suspicious and potentially dangerous situation so that I can stay snug in my home watching reruns of Bones. They keep the peace so that I can rest assured that my family is relatively safe.

And soldiers. Any better example? Sometimes leaving their family to live and work under extreme conditions, risking their lives and their health to protect our country. Last month Rachel and I were at the airport when a soldier was arriving home from Iraq. They announced over the intercom that he'd be arriving and that everyone was invited to welcome him at his gate.

Around 100 people gathered outside the gate to wait for this man. While we waited, I told Rachel that before airport security changed in the fall of 2001, there were always a lot of people waiting outside a gate. Whole families gathered to welcome fathers home from business trips and students home from college. We waited anxiously for our friends and family to get off plans and watched the door for them to arrive. Now we circle the airport outside baggage claim and greet our guests in the car. The world has changed in so many, many ways over the last 10 years.

But, back to that day at the airport - we all waited at the gate for this soldier to arrive home. We saw that he had family there. Nieces and Nephews who'd made posters and sisters with tears in their eyes as they answered stranger's questions. He's been gone 7 months. He'll be home 3 days. He'll be gone again until March. 3 days. Can you imagine?

The man from the USO (who looked a lot like Santa Clause) spoke to the crowd. He said that this man getting off the plane didn't know anyone was waiting for him at the gate. He would be coming off to a big surprise. The man said, "When he gets off the plane, I want to hear some noise. This man is a marine. Make him blush. " And we did. The noise when he came through the door was awesome. (And I mean that in the literal sense -- something that inspires awe.)

So, maybe some people came to clap and cheer because they were board waiting for their own flights. Maybe it was the general joy of the holiday season. But, I like to think that all those people were clapping for the reason I was -- to say thank you for keeping my family safe. Thank you for doing what I wasn't willing or able to do. Thank you for standing up for me when I'm safe at home. Thank you for being a role model about how to fight for what's important and how to protect what's valuable. These are good lessons.

Yes, I sobbed the whole time.

After I got Rachel on the plane and started driving home, I turned on the radio. First song to play was "An American Soldier" by Toby Keith. Here are the lyrics:

I'm just trying to be a father,
Raise a daughter and a son,
Be a lover to their mother,
Everything to everyone.
Up and at 'em bright and early,
I'm all business in my suit,
Yeah, I'm dressed up for success from my head down to my boots,
I don't do it for the money, there's bills that I can't pay,
I don't do it for the glory, I just do it anyway,
Providing for our futures, my responsibility,
Yeah I'm real good under pressure, being all that I can be,
And I can't call in sick on Mondays when the weekend's been too strong,
I just work straight through the holidays,
And sometimes all night long.
You can bet that I stand ready when the wolf growls at the door,
Hey, I'm solid, hey I'm steady, hey I'm true down to the core,
And I will always do my duty, no matter what the price,
I've counted up the cost, I know the sacrifice,
Oh, and I don't want to die for you,
But if dying's asked of me,
I'll bear that cross with an honor,
'Cause freedom don't come free.
I'm an American Soldier, an American,
Beside my Brothers and my Sisters I will proudly take a stand.
When liberty's in jeopardy I'll always do what's right.
I'm out here on the front lines, sleep in peace tonight.
American Soldier,
I'm an American Soldier.

Yeah, an American Soldier,
An American.
Beside my Brothers and my Sisters I will proudly take a stand,
When liberty's in jeopardy I'll always do what's right,
I'm out here on the front lines, so sleep in peace tonight.

American Soldier,
I'm an American,
American,

American Soldier.

"Yep. That's what I was thinking."

My father and grandfather are both veterans. My grandfather was in WWII. My father was in Vietnam. He has an amazing story; that I'll save for another day. But, he fought for all of you and for his own family, who didn't even exist yet. He left home to go to this strange and dangerous place to fight an unnamed war because it was just the right thing to do. And he literally risked his life to get back home and build the family that the soldiers and police and firefighters protect today. Another awesome thing.

Vampires

Well, we all knew I'd have to have this post eventually.

Two people have actually asked me, "When are you going to post something about Vampires?"

So, here we are... I really like vampires. In general, I'm not interested in much connected to fantasy or myth. I dismiss most characters as fictional and I have a hard time with books or movies that take place in alternate worlds where such creatures exist.

I have no patience for Harry Potter or JRR Tolkien or The Chronicles of Narnia. But, when it comes to vampires, I buy into the whole thing without batting an eye. I'm perfectly willing to dismiss any facts that might dispel their existence and I have a list of excuses for anyone interested in challenging the notion.

Whether you like vampires or not, I would recommend Bloodsucking Fiends by Christopher Moore and the sequel, You Suck, also by Christopher Moore. Great writing, great stories, really funny.

I've also read all the Twilight books and the first Dead Until Dark book. All are decent if you like vampires. But only if you like vampires. (Note to pre-teen girls, I read all four Twilight books in under a week. One a night. Staying up until dawn.)

I'm not crazy about vampire movies. I recently watched, Let the Right One In, which I really liked a lot. And, back in the '80s I saw Once Bitten (staring Jim Carrey before he was famous) and loved it.

I'm also a big fan of bats. But, I don't think vampires can turn into bats. So, that's not important here.

Raccoon Stories (loosly related to raccoons)

Tonight Rachel, Kate, and I had a big ice cream sundae fest. I got all the fixings at the store and we each made our own creation. Mine with tons of whipped cream. Rachel had plenty of chocolate sauce. Kate emptied the container of sprinkles. And, as we enjoyed our treats, the conversation turned to raccoons. As I told raccoon stories, I realized that I have quiet a few. Here is a selection...

1) One night last summer (July 28, 2008 - I know because I mentioned this story to my friend, Faith, that week and I just looked up the e-mail to check the date.) I was watching TV with the windows open. Everyone else was asleep. Our dog, Jane, was on my bed with me. I heard a noise outside. It sounded like something heavy falling on the concrete outside our window. Jane's ears perked up. I looked at the window. I heard it again. It sounded like something big jumped up and then landed heavily on the concrete outside our window. Jane's ears remained perked up, but she pulled her head down into her shoulders. (Which she does when she's trying to appear small or hide.) I heard it a third time. Yep, something is outside jumping up toward the window. Something big. As I stared at the open window I heard a sound that could only be an animal trying to climb up the brick side of our house. I gasped. Jane made a sound like, "grrrr." Whatever was outside made a sound like, "GGGRRRRRRRRR!!!!!" I jumped up and closed the windows. Then I ran through the house closing all the windows. Then I went back to watching TV.

2) One night we were walking home from a very fun party at the Holleman's house and we saw a baby raccoon in a tree. It was so, so adorable. It was only a few feet from us and we probably could have scooped it up. The kids were really tempted to reach out, but Rachel knows that petting a raccoon is a bad idea. (That will be story #3.) We looked at him for a few minutes and then moved on. As a mom I sort of felt a little pull at my heart because both my girls are such animal lovers and they really wanted to snuggle that little raccoon. But, right down the street we came to the glass door of a hair salon where a large rabbit was sitting inside. I showed him to the girls and they were kneeling by the glass looking at the rabbit when the owner of the salon, and the rabbit, came over and opened the door. She invited us in and let the girls pet and hold the very friendly rabbit. It was so generous of her. It was late and I'm sure she had work to finish, but she visited with us for a while and the girls got to pet a snugly animal.

3) One time Rachel's friend came across a sleeping raccoon in the park near our house. He was curious and reached out to pet it. He got bit. He had to get rabies shots. He is still one of the smartest kids I've ever known. Probably because he's so curious. When he's head of the WHO, I bet he'll develop a single dose pill to treat rabies. (My spell checker wants to change rabies to rabbis. Wouldn't it be funny if someone developed a pill to treat rabbis? What would it do?)

4) Last week at work we had a skunk trap. Our executive director discovered that a skunk had built a nest near her office. That's not a good place for a skunk to make his home. So, we called some guy who set a trap to catch the skunk and then move it to a good place. But, on Friday morning the preschool director discovered a small raccoon in the skunk trap. I felt really sad for that raccoon all day because the guy didn't come let him loose until mid-afternoon and the raccoon looked really scared in that cage. In the cold drizzling rain. During the day. I hope he found something yummy to eat Friday night.

5) Once, when Rachel was about 3 or 4 years old, she was coloring in the living room of "the red house" and she said, "Look at that raccoon." (The red house had big floor to ceiling windows that faced our back yard. Amazing room.) I said, "Raccoons only come out at night." Rachel said, "Then what's that?" I looked and said, "Oh. That's a raccoon." And it was. It was the biggest raccoon I'd ever seen. It was bigger than most "medium" sized dogs. For those of you who know the dogs I know, it was bigger than Abby or Precious or Rocky. I think it might have been bigger than Freddy Mac. And almost as big as Marley. And the raccoon was on our patio staring right in the windows at us. Only a single pane of glass separated us. And then the raccoon started vomiting on the concrete. Now, you don't have to be an animal expert to know that when a nocturnal animal is out during the day; it's ill. And when it comes up close to humans; it's ill. But, in case there was any question in my mind. It started vomiting. So, I called animal control and they said they would come but it would take a while. They asked if I could keep the raccoon in my yard. I said, "No. I'm not going out there at all - to scare it off or close the gate." Then I called our landlords because their dog (Precious, mentioned above) often came into our yard and I wanted to warn them to keep her home. Then I called our neighbors who had four little girls that frequently played in their back yard. Then we waited. Rachel and I watched that raccoon for a long time until the animal control guy came. He caught it and took it away. He said it had distemper.

Next time... bird stories...

Hutus and Tutsis

As Joe requested...
Here is what I would tell my children about the Hutus and Tutsis...

About 600 years ago two groups in Africa called the Hutus and the Tutsis started fighting over land and over who's groups was doing thing the "right" way. They couldn't agree and learn to live well next to each other.

There have been some years where they all fight a lot of years and years and have big wars. Sometimes one group wins and rules over the other group for a while. Now, in modern times, the Hutus live in Rawanda and the Burundi live in Tutsis and they are still fighting.

Almost everyone else in the world wants them to stop fighting and to share land and live next to one another. But, it's hard to make people change when they are sure what they are doing is right. So, we just have to keep telling them that peace is better and hope they listen one day.

Why doesn't mother bear just eat them?

My family watches a lot of TV. We like TV. The kids watch a lot of TV too. I know there are a lot of people out there who don't think children should watch TV. I disagree. My brother and I grew up watching a lot of TV. We turned out fine. He watched more TV than I and he's more fine than I. My kids learn a lot of interesting things from TV. There are a lot of really well done programs for preschoolers on TV now. It's not a waste of time. I often watch TV with them. It leads to interesting conversations about things that might not otherwise come up.

All that being said, there's the one preschool show on Nick Jr. called Little Bear that always has me thinking, "Why doesn't the mother bear just eat them?"

For those of you who don't have small children. Or if your children don't watch TV. Little Bear is about a bear who is sort of preschool aged. He lives in the woods in a house with Mother Bear and Father Bear. He learns about typical things like sharing and putting his toys away. Mother Bear and Father Bear are patient and kind and there are a couple of funny episodes where Father Bear gets impatient and it's really cute. (Mother Bear says that Father Bear has his feathers in a bunch.)

Little Bear has a bunch of friends who live in the forest. They are Duck, Cat, Owl, Hen, Mitzy (who is a monkey), and Emily (who is a human girl). Each has his or her own personality and is pretty entertaining.

Cat is my favorite. Cat sometimes makes sarcastic comments or points out the obvious.

So, in this one episode, Duck, Cat, Mitzy, and Little Bear are all at Little Bear's house and are making Duck Soup. They've gotten out a big pot and filled it with water and Duck is swimming in it. Cat, Mitzy, and Little Bear are all taking turns adding things that Duck likes to the pot. They put in cinnamon, flowers, and salt. Then they start to stir the pot. Cat, Mitzy, and Little Bear are all around and as Duck spins in front of them they each start to say how hungry they are. They talk about how delicious Duck looks and how hungry they are and Duck starts to get a little anxious and a little dizzy.

Then, Mother Bear comes in and asks what they are doing and they say they are making Duck Soup. She looks alarmed and suggests that she make them all some delicious soup with animal crackers in it. So she does. And they all sit at the table and eat their soup with animal crackers. And I just think, "Why doesn't mother bear just eat them?"

Bulls Shirt

Every November my husband, Chuck, and our oldest daughter, Rachel, go to a Bulls game together. They always have a great time and something crazy, lucky always happens while they are there.

The first time they went, the cheerleaders pulled Rachel out on the floor to dance with them during the half-time show.

This year Rachel and Kate were looking around at the souvenir shops when Rachel found a pink Bulls jersey that she liked. Chuck asked the vendor the cost and was told it was $50. That's more than we would typically spend on a souvenir. Plus, this year money is tight and so it was really out of the question. Rachel knew that and as soon as the vendor said the cost, she moved to put the shirt down.

My daughters have always been good about accepting when they are or are not getting a treat. Sure there were a few disappointed, tear filled moments when they were really little, but as a rule, they know that they live great lives with lots of great opportunities and when we say no to something, they accept that answer.

But here's the amazing thing that happened at the Bull's game that day. A man who was shopping said that he'd buy Rachel the shirt. A complete stranger. Chuck protested, but the man was insistent. He was making a lot of purchases and said that one more item wouldn't matter and he added it to his bill. Rachel said thank you and left with a new pink Bulls jersey.

I was totally surprised when they got home and told me the story. But, then I got to thinking, we live in a great world. When I think of all the times I've seen or experienced selfless acts of giving like this, I'm overwhelmed by the generosity in the world.

I'm sure I could sit and think of plenty of examples of times when people were selfish or mean; but I'm going to just make note of the great times. The times when people come together to love and support one another. When we give gifts and offer love. I will celebrate the selflessness and goodness and acknowledge generosity when I see it. I will ignore the petty and selfish acts.

Well, maybe ignore is too strong of a word. I will probably notice and comment. But, then I'll let it go.

Political Thoughts

I have a lot of political thoughts. Most people who know me will be surprised to hear that. I don't enjoy a good debate or a heated discussion. Consequently, I find most topics relating to politics unpleasant to discuss. I'm happy to share my thoughts and really very happy to hear other people's opinions too. But, I frequently find that the other people are not willing to let the conversation take a normal rhythm of give and take and before long; we're in a political discussion. Which is right where I don't want to be.

I do have one really strong view about politics that I'd like to share here in my blog. I will not find it amusing for readers to post argumentative comments. Otherwise, feel free to share your thoughts.

I think the most important skill or trait the president has to hold is being able to use good judgement. He or she must surround themselves with knowledgeable people and then be able to carefully listen to the information they receive and make wise, well informed decisions based on that information. They must have excellent resources and and excellent ability to see truth, fiction, manipulation, and motives.

Take John McCain for example. We is a hero. He served his country impressively and took on much more than one man should in order to defend our freedoms and rights. Upon returning from being a POW he continued to serve this country. And, while I don't agree with all the politics he endorsed in Washington, his record was upstanding and respectable. Instead of stopping there, he's throwing away his history in exchange for running for president. Win or lose, he'll never be remembered primarily for his heroic and dedicated life. He'll be remembered for the events of these years and they will never be held in high regard by more than 50% of the nation. I think that shows really poor judgement and no foresight. It makes me think that he's surrounded himself with people who are giving him poor advise. And just as important, he can't tell that the advise is ill-advised.

I like Obama. I met him at our little local 4th of July parade before he was anyone. I think he's respectable and shows good judgement. I think he could have waited 4 or 8 years to run for president and gained a little more experience, but given the choices, he'll have my vote in November. I'm most impressed with the people he chooses to form his team. No one person can lead. They need support, advisers, informers, defenders, and sounding boards. I think Obama will be successful because he shows good judgement in selecting his closest players.

Time

The purpose of time is to enable you to learn how to use time constructively. It is thus a teaching device and a means to an end. Time will cease when it is no longer useful in facilitating learning. - A Course In Miracles

Time always seems like an odd concept to me. I'm fascinated by the passage of time and how it sometimes goes slow and sometimes goes fast. I love when I'm with someone and time's passing fast for one of us and slow for the other - yet we are having the same experience.

I have no internal clock. I can't tell how much time has passed at any given moment. I can never guess how long the pasta has been boiling or how much longer until the TV show is over. I have no sense for it.

Daylight savings time is particularly fascinating to me. A group of people can vote and make a choice to move time one hour or more in any direction. And another group of people can vote and choose to not move time.

Clearly time is a creation of our own minds and only has as much power as we give it. We control time; yet we live as if time controls us.

All that being said, I wear a watch 24/7 (That's 24 hours a day / 7 days a week for those who don't know.) and I hate to be late. And I hate for others to be late. And I like the secure feeling of being on time.

Morning Sickness Remedies

These are things I did to help with Morning Sickness (at any time of day). I was sick throughout both my pregnancies. Often more than once a day. For many months.

I found that sometimes one would work for a few days and then another for the next few days. Another week something that didn't work before would work at a different time.

Bottom line - you may want to try a remedy more than once as the weeks go by.

Good luck!

- The Liquid from a Can of Peaches in Heavy Syrup. Just drain the liquid into a plastic container and keep it in the fridge. When you feel nauseous, take a spoonful and try to swallow it in a gulp, not sips. It will stay fresh a few days.

- Weak Ginger Tea at Room Temperature

- Oyster Crackers, try letting them dissolve on your tongue

- Preggie Pops, these are lollipops that help with morning sickness. You can find them at http://www.onestepahead.com/ which is also a great web site for many other products.

- Lemon - you can sniff a fresh lemon or lick fresh lemon slices. You also can try sliced fresh lemon in room temperature water.

- Dry Cereal - Especially slightly sweet children's cereal that is vitamin fortified. I suggest Corn Pops and Fruit Loops.

The Way Other People Describe Me

This is a self-indulgent post. It's a list of things people have said about me that I like. As you read, remember that the you they refer to is actually me.





Thanks so much for being such a great sister. We joke about it a lot, but I really appreciate all the things you do for our family. You and I have always made a great team and I couldn't dream of a better sister.







If were stranded on a desert island, I think you would bring: One black bag with individual compartments to fit each: a gps, a satellite cell phone, the cruiseship/intercontinental shipping routes, and a planner so we could organize an efficient, comfortable and effective rescue. It would also fit snacks, a couple of drinks, a small sewing/first aid kit. The whole thing would roll out into a comfy bed with a selfcharging miniature generator to blow it up into a gigantic, yet practical puffy mattress, pillows, and light blankets, and provide night time light so we can wait in comfort for said boat to arrive. If I were stranded on a desert island, I think I would just bring you.

• 1. you play along with my silliness
• 2. you are always concerned about everything
• 3. you have a certain innocence that is so awesome
• 4. you don't condemn that which you are unfamiliar with

You could probably charm the stripes off a tiger.




You do have a gift of storytelling and finding humor in random and not so random things.


Hang in there, you may not feel it, but you are a strong woman...and that my friend is half the battle.

What's in a Name?

I've always been fascinated by names. I'm pretty bad at remembering people's names, but I love to know everyone's name and so I'm usually forced to ask someone their name for the first decade that we know one another. (If I asked your name less often than that, you should be flattered that you made a huge impression on me.)


I like to know a person's name and if they've ever gone by any other names. I want to know who they are named for or if the name has a family history. I want to know the names of their parents, siblings, and pets. I often ask people if they like their name. And, my favorite name topic is to talk to people who are pregnant about what they might name their children.


When I was in college I did a project where I gave people personality tests and had their scores matched blindly with their names. Then I sorted the names by score and found (as I had predicted) that people with the same name scored similarly in particular areas of personality. All "Jennifer" had similar personality traits and they were slightly different from people named "Jenny" and more different than people named "Amy" and very different from people named "Uniqua."


Because I'm always looking for the matches, I've noticed that people often date and have relationships with people of the same name. A friend dated four "Michael" in a row. And all the relationships ended because of the same reason. Next she dated a "Dan" and was much happier.

People often have friends with the same name. Most of my friends have other friends also named Jennifer. Once I met someone who said, "I've always had a lot of friends named Jennifer, but we never really seem to keep in touch." I didn't even bother with getting to know her.


When it came time to name my children, I was overwhelmed. As someone who puts a great deal of stock in the value of a name, I wanted to get this one right. More than right. I wanted to get it perfect. I had to have a name that presented the person I wanted to raise. The name would hold all my hopes and fears for this child. Her name would be the presentation of her existence when she met new people. And, her name would be her label.

Early on I knew that her middle name would be Elizabeth, but her first name gave me a lot of trouble. It wasn't until a few weeks before she was born that I realized her name was Rachel. I was watching Brady Bunch re-runs at home. Sitting on the floor. Petting the cat. Suddenly I felt a wave of emotion go over me and when it was gone, I knew her name was Rachel.

I called my husband at work and said that I wanted to name the baby "Rachel Elizabeth." Given my obsession with names we'd had 79,384,729,574 discussions about names and he thought this was another one. He started offering opinions and comments, but I didn't really listen. My mind was made up. We didn't tell anyone else her name until she was born. When the calls went out we said, "Rachel Elizabeth was born today." And that was the first time anyone heard her name. It was perfect. (Score one point for me!)

By age two, Rachel hated her name. She had a great vocabulary and did a wonderful job of expressing herself. She felt strongly that she had the wrong name. She asked to be called a lot of different things: Jake, Bow, Ariel, Puppy.

One day we were discussing her dissatisfaction with her name. As part of the conversation I introduced the idea that she was named after her great-great-grandmother, Rebecca. Now, I've already explained how I chose Rachel's name, but there's a tradition in Judaism that children are named for dead relatives. Usually by using the first letter of the person's name as the first letter for the new baby's name. In this case, by great grandmother's name was Rebecca and so the R would work well for Rachel. After I chose the name Rachel, I took a look around to find who she could be named for and Rebecca occurred to me pretty quickly. By all accounts, Rebecca was strong, proud, independent, and a good person. She died young and my grandmother was only 13-years-old when her mother died. Rachel, always interested in a good story, was now interested in her name. She talked to those who knew Rebecca and gathered information to see how she was alike and different. Obviously, at age two, this was pretty limited, but Rachel has appreciated learning more about Rebecca as time has gone by.

When I knew I was pregnant with my second child, I jumped in to finding another perfect name. This time it was the first name that came easily, Kate. I had known two other little girls named Kate and they were fresh and bright and happy children. The name struck me as not having space for anything less than that in a person. I decided that the official name would be Katherine and we would call her Kate. Kate is cute and fun and can be just right for a child or adult, but on a wedding invitation or after a title like Judge, I think a person needs a formal name, like Katherine.

Now began my quest for the perfect middle name. I like everything in my life to be sorted into groups and categories and for things to match. I like everything to be symmetrical and neat and organized. I'm only successful at all of this about 50% of the time, but it's what I strive for always.

In this case, I began a numbers game. I felt that Rachel Elizabeth and Katherine should have the same number of letters in their name. Since Rachel Elizabeth totals 15 letters and Katherine is 9, I needed a middle name that was 6 letters. I went to one of those name sites on the web and started looking through girls names. Fate was with me. On the second page I saw Elizabeth and next to it a list of names derived from Elizabeth. Among them, 6 letter Isabel. Perfect.

When Kate was only a few months old, I had her in a stroller picking Rachel up from school. Another mom came over to see the baby and I said her name was Katherine Isabel. She knew Rachel and asked Rachel's middle name. After hearing it she said, "Rachel Elizabeth and Katherine Isabel. Very Shakespearean. Names to write about." (Score a second point for me!)

After Katherine Isabel was born, I took to calling her "Katie Bell" on occasion. Because my natural tendency is to make all things match, I stared calling Rachel Elizabeth, "Rachel Beth." Both girls now like their names and their nick names and I feel I can breath a sigh or relief at a job well done. (That's the third point. Game won!)