No, I don't want to build a fort

One of the things I had to learn early on with Rachel was that we didn't like many of the same things. Basically, if we wanted to do something together, one of us was going to be doing something she didn't like. I started to carve out the delicate balance between being her supporter and doing whatever she wanted so she could have all her little dreams come true, and my own sanity.

One year Rachel planned a Mother's Day outing to go shopping at a mall. I hate shopping. I'm not crazy about malls. It's my special day. I had to go along so that I wouldn't disappoint her and I went with a smile on my face and had the best time I could. It's the thought that counts with that one and I know she was trying to give me the best. And that was a gift in itself.

One of my mommy-jobs is to teach my children how to think of other's feelings. If the activity, game, task, outing, is going to leave someone feeling sad, overwhelmed, overburdened, overspent, left out, tired, or stressed - then it needs a second look. Sometimes, even if that someone is me. Sometimes I say, "I know you plan on cleaning up after, but I'm sure I'm going to end up having a long day putting the kitchen back together. That means I won't have time to take you to the park. Or that means I won't have time to put away the laundry. Or that means I won't have time to read my book. Is this so important to you that you will give up the park, help with the laundry or that I should give up my time to read?"

Sometimes one of us ends up disappointed, but I think that's ok. Disappointment is part of life. Learning to accept that some things take extra work and some times things don't work out perfectly - these are lessons best learned when the consequences are small.

Kate wants to have a yard sale. She talks about it almost daily. I have explained that we have a dog who doesn't like company at our house. The idea of having people come and go all day will make Jane so sad and so stressed. It could actually hurt her. Kate still tries to find ways around this obstacle, but the fact is, a yard sale is not a good plan for the family.

I want my daughters to have fond memories of fun times at home and with me. And we do. We do a lot of fun and a lot of laughter. And, I want my daughters to take me outside my comfort zone and challenge me to try new things. And they do. The balancing act is challenging, but it's an activity on which we can all agree.