Mamba Snakes

This year in Kindergarten, each student was assigned an animal to learn about and present to the class. Kate got Mamba Snakes. Together we learned that they are fast and poisonous and that they come in several colors including black and green. We learned that they lay eggs and that they will eat any small animal and that their predators are large birds, like eagles. We frequently discussed that they live in Africa - far from us.

Kate worked really, really hard to learn these facts. It was a big challenge and I was really proud of her.

Also in school, each child made a habitat and ceramic replicas of their animals. Kate made two snakes and a little cardboard home. It has a bird in the sky that they might want to escape and a bird on the ground that they might want to eat.

On Thursday night we went to a school program and after, the students took home their animals and habitats. We went out to dinner. Kate and Rachel were each had one of Kate's snakes in the restaurant. And they both broke.

First Kate broke hers. She showed me right away, but was pretty calm and when I told her we could glue it back together at home, she was perfectly happy to just play with her broken snake. She was so calm about the whole thing that no one else at the table even knew her snake was broken.

A few minutes later Rachel accidentally broke the other snake. She felt terrible and was signalling me about the problem trying not to alert Kate. When I realized what had happened, I said again that we could glue it together and I told Kate. Kate was still fine with it. Rachel apologized, and the rest of dinner continued.

We've all been in situations where we are upset about something and another person can't understand why the situation is of so much concern. And we are sometimes in situations where we are trying to understand why others are upset about a situation when we are not. It's all a matter of perspective, but knowing that doesn't make it any easier to see things from the other person's point of view.

It seems like a broken art project that you worked hard on would be an automatic upset. And, when you sister (even a sister who you love and like and admire) also breaks your project, it seems you would need to be consoled. Kate's calm response is a comfort and a reminder not to make a big deal of things. The snakes would be fixed and all would be fine. And she just trusted that that would be true.

Target in my Control

My youngest daughter, Kate, started kindergarten earlier this week. On the first day of kindergarten, I took the day off work. I dropped her off and I was there to pick her up. She had a great first day of school and everything went smoothly.

Our arrangement for the year is that my dad will pick Kate up from school each day. Some days she has other activities, but most days, they'll be together for the afternoon. (Our kindergarten is only half day.) Dad picked Kate up from preschool all last year, so they are good at this routine. And they really like it. Dad is a great playmate for Kate. He loves to come up with new ideas and loves to take her to all the places that she enjoys. They go to Chicago a lot and they have fun adventures. They are both getting to have a very special experience and, rightfully so, it's the envy of many of my friends.

So, on the second day of kindergarten I'd asked Dad to send me a text message when he arrived at the school and when he actually had Kate. I knew that it wouldn't be any problem, but I was still a little anxious. New place, new routine, new parking restrictions, new time of day. I just wanted to be sure that all went according to plan.

Dad, being funny and also retired military, sent me the following text about an hour before he was scheduled to pick up Kate:

Dad: Nanny1 to boss lady; at pick up point code name Ravinia. Have doors under surveillance. Standing by.

(I thought that was hilarious and joined in, responding...)

Me: Roger that. Update as situation develops.

Dad: No change as of 10:36.

Dad: No change as of 11:21. Will move in closer to door E2 and observe.

Dad: 11:25 large group forming at E2, 11F, 2M, 3C

Dad: First group out. No joy on target yet. Mob stable.

Me: Keep a sharp eye!

Dad: On the job. Have not missed a target in years.

Dad: Target in my control!

That last line was the funniest part because, while Dad is the grown up and drives the car and pays for things, Kate is really always the one in control.

I'm lucky to have such a great dad who gives up so much of his own time to be with my children. And does so in ways that they enjoy. The memories they build together are priceless.

Kate Quotes - starting and ending with baboons

Here's a list of random things Kate's said over the last year. She's wise and funny.

"I won't be able to dance with a baboon at prom. I'll be busy dancing with monkeys."

"If you want a boy to know that you want him to love you, you just kiss him and then he knows that you want to be his princess. His mom will yell at you, but he will love you and then he will marry you and buy you a lot of stuff."

I told Kate I was going to the bathroom and she jumped up saying, "Want to go to a spa bathroom?" Sure. She proceeded to talk in what I think was a British accent and conduct me into the bathroom, turning on the light and lifting the lid for me. She wished me well and closed the door as she left. When I came out, she was waiting with sanitizer and kept calling me, "Darling."

"You have to stay on the right path in life. On the other path there are dragons and trout."

"This woman married a boy who was rich because she thought it would be nice to have everything. But, he was really mean and made her do all the chores alone and yelled at her all the time. She tricked him into hating her so that he would move away and leave her with all the money. And then she married her true love who was her boyfriend all along."

Kate sang the blues and played her harmonica all the way home in the car. Cute and loud. Some lyrics, "And his name was pants. And that's a weird name. Blub, blub."

Kate said, "I can't sleep because Walter's playing his tuba too loud." (Walter is her stuffed llama.)

I told Kate to finish up her orange slices because it was almost time for bed. She said, "I can't make any promises."

I said, "Kate, you are getting so good and dressing yourself everyday." Kate said, "Can I drive the car now?"

When Rachel doesn't do what Kate wants, Kate says, "Rachel, it's in the Sister Manual. You have to do it. It says right here." And she points at an imaginary manual.

Today Kate decided to become a picky eater. She never has been before, but today she was picky and only picking things we didn't have. I said, "What happened to you? When did you become a picky eater?" Kate said, "My teachers broke me. They didn't know how to use me correctly and now I'm broken." Then she proceeded to argue and do the opposite of what I asked all day - blaming those darn teachers for breaking her.

Kate was watching TV in my parent's room and she came out and said to my mom, "I have good news and bad news. The good news is that I spilled popcorn all over your bed. Wait. No. That's the bad news. The good news is that I found a nickel."

"I hope when I have a baby it's either a girl or a boy." Always thinking.

Kate's teacher told me that Kate and another girl were playing house. Kate said to her friend, "Let's pretend to be evil babysitters." The teacher said, "What did you say?" Kate said, "Llamas. I said we should be llamas." The teacher said, "You aren't in trouble. I just wanted to know what you said." Kate said, "Oh. Evil babysitters. I said we should be evil babysitters."

"I want to be a rockstar. Or a baboon."

Halloween

Halloween is my favorite holiday. It's fun and silly and a celebration. It has a fascinating history, but has been altered to fit culture and society. And, Halloween is always exactly what you expect it to be.

One of the primary flaws in holiday celebrations is that we set our expectations too high. We want a magical midnight kiss on New Year's Eve. We curiously unwrap gifts hoping for the perfect delight several times a year. We anxiously anticipate cards, well wishes, and parties only to look back and think they fell short. That's not to say that all holidays are disappointing or that they don't deliver any joy. It's just that they are inconsistent. You don't know if your expectations will be met. Some people love that gamble, that anticipation. Not me.

All those expectations and critical thoughts are unfair. They deplete the joy. But, we do it anyway. Halloween has never been like that for me. It's always just want is expected. Even the unpredictable parts of Halloween are easily planned and prepared for; ensuring success.

I don't dress in costume beyond a set of cat ears or a Halloween earrings and socks. I've long since learned that I don't find costumes fun. But, no one cares if you dress or not for Halloween. You are invited to enjoy no matter your level of participation (1 point for Halloween).

I help the kids choose costumes that allow them to move around and allow the addition of a coat or jacket under or over if necessary. We usually start with something store bought, but often add our own finishing touches. We spend months talking about and selecting Halloween costumes. Rachel changes her mind a lot as the day draws near, so we don't make our final selection until mid-October.

We play a game in our neighborhood where you sneak up on a house and leave a bag of candy and a sign that the people have been visited by a Halloween ghost. They are instructed to visit three more people leaving candy. Every time we are visited we're thrilled. We carefully pick who to visit next hoping that they won't figure out who we are. Rachel runs up to the door to ring the bell and drop the bag while I keep them motor running on the street. She dives back into the car with and we slowly drive away. (Safety first.)

Funny Kate Story... When Kate was 3, I wanted her to wear the Tasmanian Devil costume that Rachel had worn wore when she was almost 3, but since Kate is so tall, I wasn't sure it would fit. I got it out to try on her and when she saw it she thought it was really funny. She liked that is was so fuzzy and cuddly and cute. It's one of those big plush costumes that is a body suit and you step in and zip up the front and then your head is peaking out of the animal's mouth.

So, I'm putting it on Kate and she's looking down at the row of teeth that will be going along her belly and she realizes what's happening and starts screaming, "It's eating me!" I try to reassure her that it's just a costume and that she likes it and it's fun, but she's pleading with me, "Mommy. Help. It's eating me." I just keep putting the costume on.

Once the costume is on, she calms down and I'm showing her how cute she is with her little paws and then I take her to the mirror so she can see the whole image. When she sees herself with her face sticking out of the mouth, she loses it again, "It's eating me! It's eating me!" So, I take the whole thing off and I'm holding her and saying that I'm sorry and that she's safe and that it was just a toy costume and I wouldn't let anything eat her. She looks at me with her wet-from-tears face and says, "I just wanted to be a mermaid."

Well, we have a mermaid costume too. Rachel wore that a couple years later. So, I get it out and she puts it on and she dances and "swims" around the house and is the happiest girl.

That's the magic of Halloween.

Honey, Who Shrank the Toys?

Tonight Kate put on several different costumes and each time she came into the room she announced that she was a princess or a fairly or whatever. Then she came in as herself and asked where all the other guests had gone. Then she came in next holding several little people toys and said, "Look what happened out the guests! They shrank."

Observations of Jesus

Since we're Jewish, my daughters haven't seen a lot of pictures of Jesus. We don't have him in our books or when we go pray. They certainly see him from time to time, but might not always realize who they are seeing.

When Rachel was about three we were in Calvary Lutheran Church in Omaha for Chuck's sister's wedding. My mom was there - to attend and enjoy and also to help with Rachel while we all got ready for the wedding.

Mom took Rachel to walk around the Church and they came to stand in front of a giant stained glass window. If I remember right, it stands about 10 feet high and has an image of Jesus, bigger than life, in a pasture with sheep. Rachel stood there with my mom looking at the window and then said, "He's going to get into trouble for being outside without any shoes on." Yes, indeed, pasture Jesus was standing in the field in his bare feet.

Today my parents took Kate (who is four) to the Art Institute of Chicago. They had a great time and saw many, many pieces of art. When they stopped to look at a miniature display replica of a church Kate saw the crucifix and said, "That guy doesn't look too happy to be hanging up there."

Took Kate Ice Skating

Today Rachel and I took Kate ice skating for the first time. For a few years, Rachel was really into ice skating. I logged a lot of hours reading on the bleachers while she skated. But, we have hardly been to the rink the last two years and Kate's never been on skates. She was so excited to go.

We all got dressed in our sweaters and skates and off onto the ice we went. I took Kate around the rink a total of three times. We had to stop frequently, but she did really well. She needed to hold on to me or Rachel the whole time. But, she had fun.

One reason she wasn't really getting the hang of skating is that every time she started to slip (which was pretty often) she would run her legs all wild - cartoon style. It was cute, but took a toll on poor mom - who was holding her up the whole time. We only fell once.

The other reason she wasn't making much progress was that she kept talking to everyone skating by. She was introducing herself, telling people her address, asking questions. She just wasn't really focused on skating - too many new people to talk to. She wanted to talk to me too. She wanted to pretend we were on an adventure at a castle. Later, that we were explorers. I kept having to remind her to focus on skating.

After skating and a vending machine snack we sat on the bleachers watching the skaters. Some of Rachel's friends where there. Kate saw one of hers from school. We saw a favorite teacher's sister-in-law. Talked to another friend. I love living in a small town.

As we started down the bleachers to leave, they brought out the Zamboni to clean. Kate's eyes lit up. She grabbed my arm and pointed - speechless. We hurried down to stare, her nose pressed against the safety glass, at the Zamboni as it went round and round. Kate asked about 400 questions about how it worked and what it was doing. I answered.

Then she quieted down. Those of you who know her know this part - she's thinking hard. She's concentrating on all the information she's taken in. I waited knowing a really good comment was coming. I was rewarded.

Kate, still staring at the Zamboni, said, "That guy is working really hard. Does he get to have a snack?" I answered, "Yes. The Zamboni driver always has a snack after he's done."

We watched until he finished the whole rink. As he went by us for his final pass, he turned and waved to Kate. She swooned.

When Bad Days Turn Good

Sometimes being a mom is tough. Sometimes you work all day and when you come home people are grumpy and whining and don't do quiet what you want. And then, on those days, sometimes, you end up sitting on the stool in the kitchen crying when you are supposed to be making dinner.

(I know that sounds sort of dramatic, but that parts not really a big deal - minor set back. You just need it to set the scene for what comes next.)

My charming 4 1/2 year old, Kate, comes into the kitchen to see why I'm crying. She says, "Why are you sad? Did you get hurt?" I say that I'm not hurt, just having a bad time.

She climbs up on to my lap and puts her sticky little hand on my face. She said, "I know just what to do. Take a deep breath." As instructed, I do. She nods and says, "That's good. Now count to three." Again, I do as I'm told.

Then Kate smiles and says, "Do you feel better?"

And, of course I do.

Walter the Hamster Dies

Kate's hamster, Walter, died this week. Rachel and I found him in the cage. We were really sad. We didn't tell Kate right away because it was already bed time and the next day we were all going to be running around a lot. I wanted to tell her when we'd have time to sit and talk about the news without feeling rushed.

So, I told Kate today. This was our conversation:

Me: Kate, I have some bad news to tell you.

Kate: Some bad news and some good news?

Me: No. Only bad news this time. Walter died.

Kate: For real?

Me: Yes. I'm really sorry. He was a good Hamster.

Kate: I love it when he runs on his wheel and looks at me with his cute face.

Me: He was really cute when he did that. I'm going to miss seeing him.

Kate: Can we have a funeral?

Me: Yes. This afternoon we can bury him in the back yard.

Kate: Under a tree, so he won't get too hot?

Me: Yes.

Kate: Can I put the box in?

Me: Yes.

Kate was quiet for a minute and then: Walter died and now he gets to have babies!

(Kate has been very interested in Walter having a baby ever since she got him in June. We've explained that he's a boy and can't have babies, but it was a constant speculation on her part that he might.)

Me: No. When animals die, they can't have babies. Boy hamsters never have babies, but girl hamsters don't have babies after they die.

Kate: Now Walter can't do anything except be dead.

Me: Yes. But, we can remember all the fun things he used to do.

Kate: He didn't even make it to his birthday. He died while he was still a baby.

After that we read part of a book I borrowed from preschool called Lifetimes: The beautiful way to explain death to children, by Bryan Mellonie and Robert Ingpen. It's a really good book. Kate liked it, but got restless mid-way through.

This afternoon we buried Walter. Kate picked out a good spot under a tree and we put a big rock by his grave to mark the spot.

Halloween

Halloween is my favorite holiday. It's fun and silly and a celebration. It has a fascinating history, but has been altered to fit culture and society. And, Halloween is always exactly what you expect it to be.

One of the primary flaws in holiday celebrations is that we set our expectations too high. We want a magical midnight kiss on New Year's Eve. We curiously unwrap gifts hoping for the perfect delight several times a year. We anxiously anticipate cards, well wishes, and parties only to look back and think they fell short. That's not to say that all holidays are disappointing or that they don't deliver any joy. It's just that they are inconsistent. You don't know if your expectations will be met. Some people love that gamble, that anticipation. Not me.

All those expectations and critical thoughts are unfair. They deplete the joy. But, we do it anyway. Halloween has never been like that for me. It's always just want is expected. Even the unpredictable parts of Halloween are easily planned and prepared for; ensuring success.

I don't dress in costume beyond a set of cat ears or a Halloween earrings and socks. I've long since learned that I don't find costumes fun. But, no one cares if you dress or not for Halloween. You are invited to enjoy no matter your level of participation (1 point for Halloween).

I help the kids choose costumes that allow them to move around and allow the addition of a coat or jacket under or over if necessary. We usually start with something store bought, but often add our own finishing touches. We spend months talking about and selecting Halloween costumes. Rachel changes her mind a lot as the day draws near, so we don't make our final selection until mid-October.

We play a game in our neighborhood where you sneak up on a house and leave a bag of candy and a sign that the people have been visited by a Halloween ghost. They are instructed to visit three more people leaving candy. Every time we are visited we're thrilled. We carefully pick who to visit next hoping that they won't figure out who we are. Rachel runs up to the door to ring the bell and drop the bag while I keep them motor running on the street. She dives back into the car with and we slowly drive away. (Safety first.)

Funny Kate Story... When Kate was 3, I wanted her to wear the Tasmanian Devil costume that Rachel had worn wore when she was almost 3, but since Kate is so tall, I wasn't sure it would fit. I got it out to try on her and when she saw it she thought it was really funny. She liked that is was so fuzzy and cuddly and cute. It's one of those big plush costumes that is a body suit and you step in and zip up the front and then your head is peaking out of the animal's mouth.

So, I'm putting it on Kate and she's looking down at the row of teeth that will be going along her belly and she realizes what's happening and starts screaming, "It's eating me!" I try to reassure her that it's just a costume and that she likes it and it's fun, but she's pleading with me, "Mommy. Help. It's eating me." I just keep putting the costume on.

Once the costume is on, she calms down and I'm showing her how cute she is with her little paws and then I take her to the mirror so she can see the whole image. When she sees herself with her face sticking out of the mouth, she loses it again, "It's eating me! It's eating me!" So, I take the whole thing off and I'm holding her and saying that I'm sorry and that she's safe and that it was just a toy costume and I wouldn't let anything eat her. She looks at me with her wet-from-tears face and says, "I just wanted to be a mermaid."

Well, we have a mermaid costume too. Rachel wore that a couple years later. So, I get it out and she puts it on and she dances and "swims" around the house and is the happiest girl.

That's the magic of Halloween.